wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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