Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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