i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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