five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
