If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
