I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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