I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
