I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
