it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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