Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Two words: blizzard sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
