I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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