4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
