So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
