I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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