My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
