Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
