it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
