I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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