Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
