so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
