i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
