Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
