This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
