I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
