capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
