i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
