Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
