I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't turn off my feet"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
