A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
