I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
