is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
