Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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