I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
