you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
