I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
