If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
