Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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