If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
