Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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