you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
