Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
