I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
