So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
