it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
