It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
