I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
