Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
