quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
