4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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