I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Too much gin, very little bucket
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
