happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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