I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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