Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
